'Tasmanian Voices' is Deborah Thomson's third book on family violence

"I was with my abuser and married to him as well for over 17 years," she said

"And it was quite violent abuse, very physical. It ranged from coercive control, to begin with, and it ended up being physical and sexual."

"I had many years of counselling to mitigate the entrenched trauma of long-term domestic violence."

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Thomson later trained with Engender Equality to advocate through the media for victims of family violence and wrote two books which drew on her expertise and personal experiences.

Her latest book Tasmanian Voices: The Family Violence Epidemic, is a collection of essays that she hopes will act as a reference book for survivors, the general public and policymakers.

The topics range from children and abuse, the psychological effects of abuse, disability and what men can do to stop family violence.

She also wrote the book to dispel negative attitudes and myths towards family violence. She said one of these myths is that men and women experience domestic violence equally.

"I'm hoping that through greater understanding, readers might show more compassion towards victims and stop the blaming and shaming," Ms Thomson said.

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Her experiences and work as an advocate give her a unique perspective on the arduous challenges women experience in leaving their abusers and restarting their lives.

When Thomson left her abuser, she didn't get the help she needed. She was living in Queensland at the time and ended up homeless but eventually found a short-term refuge and then part-time work.

She also faced battles at the family court and difficulties proving her financial situation to Centrelink after leaving a relationship that involved two houses and a business.

"Centrelink refused to acknowledge that I was penniless and homeless," she said.

Ms Thomson said there isn't enough support for women who leave abusive relationships.

"Particularly in Tasmania, there's an increased inability to help the growing numbers of abused people."

Thomson met her current partner in 2011, who encouraged her to write her first book some years later.

What she's particularly proud of in her work is her advocacy to make non-fatal strangulation a standalone criminal offence in Tasmania, the last state in Australia to make this amendment.

It's something that she's experienced personally and it's an indicator of potential homicide in the relationship, she said.

Thomson cites the example of Jodi Eaton, who experienced non-fatal strangulation several times before being murdered in 2014.

The coronial inquest into Eaton's murder recommended that the government consider making strangulation a criminal offence. In 2022, the Criminal Code was amended to make this change.

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Thomson's also concerned about the experiences of younger women, particularly high school girls who experience coercive control.

She realised this was taking place through her daughter's circle of friends.

Girls would talk about abuse in their relationships and not realise that it was coercive because no one really understood how abusers start controlling, brainwashing and manipulating their partners.

"Young people in particular just haven't had the experience to recognise that," she said.

Coercive behaviour can sometimes be perceived as "romantic" or "attentive" but is really just "grooming" when it comes down to it, she said.

"Once you recognise it you can see it very clearly," Ms Thomson said.

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It includes things like excessive jealousy, put downs in conversation, not being allowed to have your own opinion, being told you're stupid, being told how to dress, being monitored, or being alienated from friends and family.

Finally, Thomson hopes that prevention and early intervention will be another outcome of her latest book.

When victims understand what's going on in their relationships, they'll leave earlier.

"The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the more support you need once you leave," she said.

And that amount of support just does not currently exist, she said.

"The sooner you leave, the less support you need and that works out win-win for everyone."

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