7 handy tips for attending Launceston's first Big Bash fixture

In the same way that you can’t have a Jimmy Anderson press conference without a whinge, you can’t have T20 cricket without cheese. A wedge of camembert is every bit as important as your ticket to get in and will leave those around you greener (with envy) than a Melbourne Stars kit. For a more statistical culinary experience, bring a container of hummus and use thinly-sliced carrot sticks to plot a batsman’s wagon wheel as their innings progresses.

When you’re at the game you won’t have Punter and Gilly calling the action and harking back to the glory days, which means your friends will be relying on you to make insightful observations. Here’s some handy phrases you can use over and over again:

On multiple occasions this summer an innocent youngling has copped a six to the schnoz, making us all nervous that cricket as we know it will be banned due to OHS concerns. The real lesson to learn here is that the tipsy middle-aged man in the row in front of you is going to completely shell the catch nine times out of ten and your best hope is to take cover under your seat or nudge him out of the way and take the catch yourself.

There’s only one notable Mexican manoeuvre more enjoyable than a Mexican stand-off, and that’s a Mexican wave. Not since the Ricky Ponting game four years ago has UTAS Stadium experienced the incomparable joy of a circularly-choreographed crowd cheer and surely it’ll only take a tight over from Thunder spinner Fawad Ahmed to get the Launceston crowd restless enough to welcome Señor Waverino into the mix.

If you’ve attended Big Bash in Hobart you’ll know that unless you leave with five overs to spare you’re better off pitching a tent and staying the night on Bellerive Beach than trying to negotiate the outbound traffic that seems to move slower than Inzamam ul-Haq coming back for a third run. Luckily, Launceston’s traffic management strategy isn’t terrible, there’s parking everywhere in Invermay and you won’t even have to walk that far to get to the ground.

When it comes to cricket bucket lists, taking a crowd catch is a tough goal to set. Instead, plant yourself near a boundary fielder and bombard him with “Boycey, give us a wave” or “Give us a wave Jofra”. Persistence is the key in this game and if you wear him down like a dogged spell from Dan Vettori, he’ll eventually cave in. Possible variations of this include “Give us a review Watto” and “Make us a coffee McClenaghan, you look like a barista”.

If the Big Bash has taught us anything, it’s that people aren’t that entertained by cricket but are entertained by mind-numbing crowd engagement chants and a CGI duck measuring how big a six is. What this tells us is that broadcasters are crying out for crowd members to do something interesting, like holding up a funny sign. So if you have any witty observations about Archer being on target or just want to say hi to your mum without picking up the phone, write a message on some cardboard and spend an hour or two holding it up for the cameras.

MORE BIG BASH NEWS

Tickets are available from Ticketmaster’s website. 

The Women’s Big Bash League match between the Hurricanes and the Sydney Thunder starts at 2.20pm on Saturday, December 30.

The men’s match kicks off at 7.20pm. Gates open at 1.30pm.