We must be alert to the manifestations of all forms of domestic abuse and the inherent dangers and realities of this risk.
This year has been a year that has challenged us all in so many ways.
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The pressure has been profound on all our relationships from family, including the demands of educating children at home, to relationships with friends and colleagues.
Social isolation created real challenges for many. For some, it has also heightened the risk and/or seriousness of family violence and abuse. This risk was further increased through limited access to support and advice for victims and very real challenges in reaching out for assistance.
Christmas, whilst a lovely family time for many, it can be a time of great stress and risk for those in abusive relationships.
We must be alert to the manifestations of all forms of domestic abuse and the inherent dangers and realities of this risk.
Tragically one woman a week in Australia continues to be murdered at the hands of a current or former intimate partner.
Many women and children live in constant fear.
Family violence occurs in many forms - physical violence is just one form of abuse.
Coercive control is another that is equally as harmful.
Tasmania has been a leader in criminalising many manifestations of family violence.
Our laws assist in altering views of family violence beyond physical acts, recognizing the infliction of psychological harm as a core feature of family violence.
All forms of abuse can make it very difficult to leave an abusive relationship, particularly where coercive control is a factor.
Coercive control refers to a pattern of controlling behaviours that create an unequal power dynamic in a relationship.
These behaviours give the perpetrator power over their partner, making it difficult for them to leave.
The law recognises:
- economic abuse, demonstrated by one person controlling another's access to money or resources thus creating financial dependency;
- emotional abuse, including anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism and 'put-downs' to intimidation, stalking and harassment, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased;
- physical abuse, including of someone else close to the victim or a pet;
- damage to property; and
- breaching any existing orders relating to family violence.
Coercive controllers will constantly blame and criticise their partner.
This criticism extends to their partner's appearance, the way they dress (including what to wear), their parenting.
This is intended to undermine their partner's confidence often by snide comments made in private or public.
Over time victims begin to doubt themselves, become more anxious and less confident, feel they are always wrong and all problems, including the perpetrator's behaviour, are their fault.
A life of constant apologising follows.
Coercive controllers isolate their partner from family and friends (often subtlety and over time), sometimes starting with behaviours as simple as glaring at their partner when on the phone with loved ones or complaining about spending time with their partner's family - even at Christmas.
They demand constant attention, are moody and jealous, frequently change the 'rules' and make victims feel they are 'walking on eggshells'.
They dismiss and lie about their partners' experiences and suggest they are imagining things, causing victims to distrust their memory.
This is also referred to as gas-lighting.
Victims feel trapped in the relationship and unable to leave as the perpetrator, through this control, has made them dependent with limited access to the resources, confidence and financial capacity to leave. Christmas and the holiday period can be extremely difficult and risky for some families. Let us be alert to the risks and do what we can to assist those we know.
Encourage perpetrators to access appropriate behaviour change program and provide support to victims.
Assist them in practical ways, with compassion, without judgement and avoid telling them 'to just leave' as this is not helpful as it is never that simple.
Support lines
- 1800Respect - 1800 737 732
- Engender Equality - 03 6278 9090
- Family Violence Counselling and Support Service (DHHS) - 1800 608 122
- Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277
- Aboriginal Family Domestic Violence Hotline - 1800 019 123
- Men's Referral Service - 1300 766 491
- Mensline Australia - 1300 789 978