Bellerive Oval contest pivotal to Ashes outcome

With the historic occasion just three days away this remains the case, albeit only to decide whether the series results in a humiliating 4-0 rout or not.

However, heading to Hobart with the score sitting at 3-0 may well generate as much interest and excitement among the home fans as if it had been 2-2.

Just because the series outcome has long-since been confirmed won't stop Aussie fans lapping it up, certainly if personal experience is anything to go by.

Popping into work with a Pommie accent after the third Test debacle was like facing Mitchell Starc with a new ball, so eager were my Australian colleagues to unleash a few deliveries.

The fact that England have been so dreadful will only make most Aussies even more keen to savour the Bellerive Oval "decider", although few of them will be bothering to book day five, or even four, off work.

The fact that Joe Root has steamed head-first towards disaster as the worst-prepared English captain since Edward Smith took the helm of the Titanic will only make supporters even more excited about witnessing Tasmanian sporting history.

With the series having been won in less than 12 days of cricket, it has become rather difficult to overstate quite how rubbish England have been.

Jonathan Liew tried in an excellent piece in The Guardian headlined: "Will England ever be good at Test cricket again?"

Reflecting on the tourists being bowled out for 68 at the MCG, Liew pointed out this was no one-off, reminiscing about the team being all out for 67 just five Ashes Tests ago, 85 against Ireland, 58 against New Zealand and losing 10 wickets in a session against Bangladesh. He may have missed a few more.

"Was there any real satisfaction to be taken in despatching an opponent this easily?" Liew pondered. "Did it not all feel a little hollow? A little comfortable? A little embarrassing?"

Nobody strolling down Derwent Street, Bellerive, on Friday morning will have lost much sleep over the possibility of inflicting more embarrassment on Australia's favourite enemy.

Certainly not after England's most impressive achievement in Melbourne appeared to have been suffering an innings defeat to an opponent who had only registered 267.

Furthermore, there has been no shortage of Aussie commentators pointing out that many of England's flaws have been self-inflicted, particularly the reluctance to play two of the top three pacemen in Test history, opting against a full-time spinner at spin-friendly Adelaide, dropping the team's fastest bowler and, principally, turning up with a team about as operational as Tasmania's under-funded health system when the state government warmly welcomed Omicron into the state.

Amid legitimate questions of whether Afghanistan might still be available as a more competitive opponent, the challenge now is to maximise the occasion.

Debate as to whether this can be deemed Tasmania's biggest ever sporting event has drawn parallels to when the state was the centre of the rowing universe in 1990, snooker in 1980 and motor racing in 1959 and '65. Each of those involved multiple competitors so at least they didn't have to worry about a sole adversary not being up to the task.

Also, Lake Barrington, Launceston's Albert Hall and Longford did not have to cap crowd numbers in order to limit the spread of a global pandemic.

The much-maligned Tasmanian climate can usually be relied upon to extend the duration of such a contest, especially given how Hobart's evening temperatures have become the default topic of conversation for all mainland commentators discussing the event.

However, there are other options available to further increase interest in the dead rubber.

After a Victorian was afforded centre stage at the MCG and duly stole the show with Scott Boland's stunning second-innings figures of 6-7 on debut, what chance of a Tasmanian getting the same opportunity?

The match is surely crying out for a Tim Paine recall in front of his home crowd. Maybe they could be notified by text message.

Better still, given his unique record of winning every Test match he ever played, chairman of selectors George Bailey could do a lot worse than recalling himself for the contest.

Who wouldn't want to see Bails fielding at short-leg in order to reprise his relationship with Jimmy Anderson, providing of course both are miked up?

The eight-year hiatus since their last Test match square-up may even have given the former Tasmanian captain time to come up with something that rhymes with "Bailey".