We were high spirited and downed cheap French bubbly while I ordered a dish from the menu I had not a clue about.

Turns out it was raw beef, and being a medium to well done Aussie, oblivious to the finer points of French cuisine, I asked the maitre d' if I could have it cooked.

Well, as if I'd insulted his wider family and spat on the French flag, indeed sacré bleu, he hurled all manner of displeasure at me, until my dear wife defused the conflict by offering to take the bloody carcass.

His tantrum was in French.

Regardless of how well they speak English the French on home soil will feign total ignorance and hold forth in their own tongue, when dealing with enfant terrible Anglais.

With that trauma over raw beef in mind I am thoroughly bemused at the hypocrisy of our mes amis French when it comes to patriotic outrage.

In short, the Turnbull Government managed to negotiate a $90 billion dud submarine deal with the French, which would have taken 20 years to complete and involved loud, inefficient diesel subs that would probably have been obsolete by the time they were delivered.

I've written before in these columns that we needed to junk this contract and buy nuclear subs instead.

Now we've done a deal with the US and the UK to use their nuclear technology to build our own nuclear boomers, and in the mean time lease nuclear subs from the US in order to train up our crews.

I would have added nuclear weapons to the deal but I'm a hawk on our military.

You know you're on the right track when China, the world's chief bully, concocts outrage over our efforts to defend ourselves.

But, for now I'll save my disdain for our two-faced friends the French.

How dare they!

So we junked a dud contract and the French have carried on as if we had just sacked Paris.

This is the same country upon which up to 60,000 Australians died defending in the two world wars.

Australian blood pulsated freely into the soil of this petulant, ungrateful nation.

This is the same country that conducted 193 underground nuclear tests in the South Pacific between 1960 and 1995, and casually resumed testing in 1996 despite our passionate pleas to stop.

The French concealed the real impact of the radioactive fall-out and to date have paid out little in reparations to Pacific islanders.

This is the same country that sent three agents to Auckland to blow up the Greenpeace boat Rainbow Warrior in 1985, before it could sail for Mururoa Atoll, about 1000km south-east of Tahiti, to protest French nuclear tests.

The Kiwis called it an act of terrorism.

France denied involvement but NZ police caught the agents.

They spent a mere two years in a French jail before their government freed them.

So when they accuse Australia of double dealing over a dud navy contract they should reflect on their behaviour over the past century.

Perhaps they should pause to consider the human cost borne by their allies, in liberating France twice during the 20th Century.

So they lost a contract.

We lost the cream of our youth.

As for the Chinese Communist Party, this belligerent dictatorship only survives because it controls its people and ruthlessly crushes dissent. It could never embrace democracy because it wouldn't survive.

For the CCP to feign outrage over Australia developing nuclear-powered submarines is laughable given that China reportedly has up to 350 nuclear weapons.

The communist party gave the world COVID-19, and covered it up for months. China still refuses to tell the truth about Wuhan.

It's pretty damn obvious that someone is lying, when they try to cover up their misdeed and refuse to allow any meaningful investigation.

China bullies anyone who dares question its activity. The victims of Chinese bullying over the past 30 years are predominantly Chinese.

Chinese aggression towards Taiwan now rivals the Middle East as a world flash point. I'm pessimistic enough to anticipate that an unaccountable regime such as the CCP won't hesitate to go to war.

It makes sense that Australia has finally chosen a side and formally aligned with the US and the UK, in an alliance that really, is already more than a century old.

It makes sense that we invest in the best technology possible and while our nuclear subs may still be 20 years away, leasing nuclear subs from the US in the meantime is prudent.

So, I'm a tense patriot. I'm quite entertained by the spectacle of our Gallic allies making a racket.