The country of my birth playing in a final for the first time in my lifetime, with home advantage and leading the best team at the tournament.

I'd even been sent a picture of how the Queen would look with a Phil Foden haircut and she was rocking the niche regal ex-con look.

Supporters were dressed as Roman emperors, the Pope and even a slice of pizza (pepperoni).

A Scottish flag was adorned with an image of The Terminator and the promise: "We'll be back."

Squeezed into comp seats were mask-free dignitaries including film star Tom Cruise (fresh from his Wimbledon final junket), model Kate Moss and footballers Geoff Hurst, Luis Figo and David Beckham all in close proximity to FIFA president Gianni Infantino who, 24 hours earlier had been in the COVID hotbed of Rio de Janeiro for the Copa America final. So all coronavirus protocols were being strictly adhered to.

There seemed little likelihood of waking up from the Euro 2020 dream.

Until the recurring nightmare returned.

When it comes to matches of such gravity, England has a blueprint it is reluctant to stray far from.

It consists of (in approximate order): drunken fans disgrace themselves in violent skirmishes; England score ludicrously early; England park the bus and grimly attempt to hang on; England concede an equaliser; the match goes to extra-time; the match goes to penalties; England lose on penalties; drunken fans abuse players on social media, racially if appropriate.

With a few minor tweaks, this is how England has operated for as long as most of us can remember.

In the nation's last two major semi-finals, Alan Shearer and Kieran Trippier scored after three and five minutes respectively.

Luke Shaw did even better, scoring the fastest goal in European Championship final history after two minutes.

No deja vu here, none.

Three minutes in and the bus driver was reversing into place just outside the England penalty area. What could go wrong against the tournament's highest scoring team?

Three years ago in the World Cup semi-final, Croatia's Ivan Perisic equalised Trippier's opener on 68 minutes.

Italy's Leonardo Bonucci did so on 67. It had been coming ... for about 65 minutes.

By far the best team all tournament, Italy looked most likely to win it. England craved creativity.

Tony Robinson tweeted: "Baldrick says, I have a cunning plan. Bring Grealish on."

England brought (Jack) Grealish on. The Italians took it in turns to foul him, taking a 5-0 lead in the yellow card count.

Thirty minutes of extra-time changed nothing, except the increasingly gloomy mood of the home supporters inside Wembley.

In the last minute of extra-time, England brought on penalty specialists Jadon Sancho and Marcus Rashford - both knowing they would probably only have one meaningful kick each.

Both duly took penalties. Both missed. Along with Bukayo Saka. All three are coloured players. All three were subsequently racially abused on social media. This whole taking-a-knee thing is working wonders.

A quarter of a century after Gareth Southgate's missed penalty thwarted England's best chance of winning a European Championship, the same player oversaw an even closer miss, again on penalties.

For Aussies unsure what all the fuss is about, supporting England is like barracking for St Kilda: encouragement leading to optimism then hope and finally despair, all in the knowledge that there's still only 1966 to hold onto.

As Red said in The Shawshank Redemption: "Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."

And by the way, full credit to Optus for actually providing the service I pay for. It made a refreshing change.