After four months of incubation, footy is delivering some cracking yarns.
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Finally allowed out to play, both major codes have wasted little time filling the story void and the resulting bundles of joy have been long overdue.
Obeying protocol
It's not just in relation to coronavirus where the AFL has strict protocols to observe.
Club discipline is policed within equally rigid guidelines and woe betide anybody caught not playing by the rules.
Friday afternoon witnessed a textbook example of the system in operation.
At 4.36pm, the AFL issued a press release announcing sanctions for breaches by Hawthorn, Carlton, North Melbourne and Richmond.
At 4.58pm, Hawthorn issued a release stating the club "accepts full responsibility for a breach of AFL protocols which was handed down by the league today".
At 5.14pm, North Melbourne issued a release saying: "Although the club believed it was operating with the full approval of the AFL and strongly suggests a communication breakdown is at fault, it accepts the decision that's been handed down."
At 5.15pm came Carlton's statement saying it "accepts the sanction it has received".
At 5.21pm, Richmond completed the picture, chief executive Brendon Gale explaining: "We acknowledge an unintentional breach of the AFL's COVID-19 protocols was made, and accept the sanction imposed by the AFL."
Aside from North Melbourne jumping the gun by a minute, the releases even came out in the order the clubs were named on the initial AFL release.
Somewhat controversially, the Kangaroos even hinted at some discontent over the punishment, but did at least conclude their release with the tried and trusted disclaimer: "The club will make no further comment in relation to the sanction."
Within a day, the whole process of punishment and acceptance had been reduced to just 14 minutes.
At 5.14pm on Saturday, the AFL announced a $50,000 sanction against Collingwood for coach Nathan Buckley and assistant Brenton Sanderson playing a game of tennis with two people outside the approved club bubble.
At 5.28pm came the Collingwood release saying the club "has fully accepted the sanction it received today for a breach of AFL return to play protocols".
Not kicking goals
The traditional criticisms of soccer from footy diehards are that there is too much diving and not enough goals.
However, acting up to secure free-kicks has become such an inherent part of AFL that it has been given its own term of "staging".
And this week the league's most-decorated coach openly accused an opposition player of perfecting the art when Alastair Clarkson said Sydney small forward Tom Papley "milks a free-kick as well as anyone in the competition".
Meanwhile, last Monday, Geelong beat Fremantle 6.12 (48) to 2.4 (16).
Three days later, Adelaide United defeated Perth Glory 5-3 in the A-League.
Admittedly these are both extreme examples, but with the same number of goals in the two games, the AFL could be heading towards soccer's staple scoreline which duly followed a day later when Central Coast and Newcastle Jets drew 0-0.
Monopoly bored
One area where Australian football does trump its English sibling is in diversity of winners.
Of the 18 AFL clubs, only Fremantle and newcomers Gold Coast and Greater Western Sydney have failed to win a premiership.
It is quite a contrast in England.
Prior to Liverpool ending its top-flight title drought this season, only twice had the English Premier League crown been won by a team other than Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea or Manchester City.
Bankrolled by local industrialist Jack Walker, Blackburn won the league in 1995 while Leicester defied odds of 5000-1 in 2016.
The FA Cup has been even more predictable. Since 1991, 26 of the 29 tournaments have been won by the big five of Liverpool, both Manchester clubs and London neighbours Chelsea and Arsenal, who added a record 14th win on Sunday.
Only Everton (1995), Portsmouth (2008) and Wigan (2013) have been brave enough to buck the trend.
Broader picture
At a time when Tasmania's tight border restrictions are meant to have minimised international visitation, the state's local soccer scene has never been so cosmopolitan.
Riverside Olympic's Windsor Park is home to a broad range of nationalities including Mexican (Jhostan Padron), Argentinean (Luca Vigilante), Spanish (Nil Sanz) and Belgian (women's coach Jo Haezebrouck) while midfielders Aaron Kidmas and Liam Gilmore were born in Nigeria and Belgium respectively before moving to Launceston.
Lithuanian Gedi Krusa is the notable exception to the English enclave at "the Italian club" Launceston City, which includes captain Sam Ridgard, his housemate Rob Gerrard, first-team coach Roger Hardwicke and Northern Championship player-coach Dan Smith.
The regional competition has even produced a South American coach with Chile's Fernando Munoz providing a distinctive accent at Northern Rangers.
Interviewed for today's paper, Padron reminisced about playing in the US, Sweden, Finland, Malta and even Aruba, adding: "Tasmania is cold, but enjoyable cold. Sweden was just cold cold."