I need help leaving my toxic relationship with Married at First Sight

The month is a terrible time for us single people. We're being spammed by advertisements for dinners for two, for romantic weekends away, for gift suggestions, and so much chocolate. (Or cheese - thanks Le Cheeserie, I'll be buying this for the person I love the most, moi.)

And then there's MAFS, it's like that bad-boy relationship you just can't let go of, even though you know it's not good for you. Every year I tell myself I'm not going to get invested in the new season, and then it just sucks me right in.

This year, I'm putting this down to the inclusion of two, let's call them mature, couples. Lucinda, 43, and Timothy, 51, and Andrea, 51, and Richard, 62.

I like it when dating shows switch up the age dynamic. My Mum, Your Dad had potential but I wasn't a fan of the second series. I'm hoping our MAFS couples restore my faith.

I'm loving Lucinda. She's a bit dipsy, "a free spirit who dances to the beat of her own drum", her profile reads. The kind of woman you'd love to have in your circle of friends, albeit in small doses.

But what Lucinda, and the other older couples, are showing, is that they're keen to talk about the perils of dating at a certain age.

Lucinda's biggest fear about coming on the show was having to use the toilet in front of her new partner. That's just so relatable. I do wonder if I could ever share a bathroom again. Toilet seat and all that. And please hang your towel up properly, don't scrunch it.

And how long would it even take, again, to become comfortable with the associated smells? Would we ever be comfortable enough to actually use the toilet in front of each other? I've never been in a relationship like that.

Richard, at 62, is the oldest MAFS contestant to date. He was married for 27 years and has three grown children. I'm not sure he's my type (if you know what my type is, please let me know) but he's growing on me.

He did talk about how hard it was for people our age to be on the dating apps, saying that no women "our age" set their age search parameters higher than 60 so he's had to lie about it. He even admitted to dating someone 27 years his junior.

Sure, we might succumb to that old divorce trope, but dude. Some of the sexiest, most attractive men I know are in their mid 60s. Back yourself. Maybe lose the sleep apnea apparatus.

And then there's Timothy. Love it that the younger Timothy on the show gets the Tim moniker. The older one just refuses to drop the walls. Good luck to him but not sure he's the one for Lucinda.

She had me in her introductory episode when she was meeting with expert John Aiken and he asked her what she was after and she unfurled a literal scroll - I think it was an old pianola scroll, which I loved too.

READ MORE KAREN HARDY:

Her list of what she was after was long. Competent, nothing to prove, generous of spirit, knows himself, a good cook, a good communicator, with a sense of humour, "someone who will laugh at the cosmic joke that is life", emotionally intelligent, practical and steady, and "good with his clothes off".

It made me think about what attributes might be on my list. And how those attributes have changed so much over the years.

I still want someone who will make me laugh, make my knickers light up, someone who can fix those things around the house and notice that they need fixing before I do, someone who'll enjoy my cooking and stack the dishwasher the right way.

Someone who has a nice face, strong hands, a smile that makes his eyes crinkle, a smile that warms my heart every time I see it.

He'll have to be happy to spend some time at the footy on a miserably cold Saturday afternoon, want to read before we go to sleep, go on walks and spend weekends at the beach.

Perhaps I should take Lucinda's lead and start to manifest my ideal man, then maybe he'll turn up before March. 2034.