Peter Power-Lawrence has officiated hundreds of weddings on Tasmania’s East Coast.
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Although he loved his job of nine years as a marriage celebrant, he cringed every time he had to say the line, “between a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others”.
He and his partner, Ian, have been together for 40 years, and changed their surnames by deed poll about five years ago in anticipation of same-sex marriage being legalised.
They have faced countless acts of discrimination during their relationship, from family, friends and strangers.
“We’ve suffered some really awful, serious discrimination over the years,” Peter said.
“I’ve had about three discrimination cases and several restraint orders against people.”
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When the same-sex marriage postal survey was announced earlier this year, the couple couldn’t believe it was going to happen.
“We predicted what was going to happen - there was a lot of vitriol and hate, and I can’t count the number of times that I was called a paedophile and not worthy of marriage, a second class citizen - all the denigrating stuff people say, being social media warriors.
“If Ian and I weren’t a couple and we didn’t have the strength that we do have, I don’t know how someone, younger or older, who’s maybe questioning their sexuality or is single and doesn’t have a partner to support them, how they would go through this sort of stuff.”
After 40 years together, it seemed surreal to them that people could still question their relationship.
“We felt like, why should we have our relationship questioned, why should we need permission from the Australian public to marry when others can just marry freely without any question or judgement whatsoever?”
We had mixed emotions prior, and when it was eventually, 'yes', it’s gone through Parliament, we had a bit of a change of heart, and I said to Ian, ‘I think we should get married because our family and friends who love us dearly would love to be able to share our commitment and our 40 years together’.
- Retired marriage celebrant Peter Power-Lawrence
After years of campaigning for equal rights, the ugliness of the campaign made them question whether they even wanted to get married in the end.
“When finally the survey came through as ‘yes’, we were like, no this is an insult to us. We’ve had to wait 40 years for the Australian public to give us permission to be able to marry and, at first, we said, we don’t think we really want to do this, just on principle and the fact that we had to basically beg for permission to have what other people take for granted.”
But, as they watched the final vote unfold in the House of Representatives on Thursday, they changed their minds.
“We had mixed emotions prior, and when it was eventually, 'yes', it’s gone through Parliament, we had a bit of a change of heart, and I said to Ian, ‘I think we should get married because our family and friends who love us dearly would love to be able to share our commitment and our 40 years together’.”
The date hasn’t been set yet, and Peter and Ian need to decide what sort of wedding they will have.
“Most of our family that we’ve just reconnected with live on the mainland and we’re sort of a couple of introverts living up on the mountain here and sort of recluses, and we’re going, well how do we go about this?” Peter said.
“Do we have two weddings - one in Tassie, one in Melbourne, or do we just have an elopement?
“There’s lots to consider really - the affordability of having a wedding. As an ex-celebrant, I know the cost and all the dramas that go with it.”
Peter retired from being a celebrant earlier this year due to some issues with his health, but he has started up a wedding planning business. After nine years in the industry, including some dealings with difficult couples, he said he still loved weddings.
“To be standing there with the groom waiting for his wife-to-be walking down the aisle, and seeing the tears in their eyes and comforting them, and then when the bride comes in, looking radiant and beautiful, as they all do.
“And when they’d start doing their vows, that’s when it was quite an emotional time, because I used to always try and get them to speak from the heart and express exactly how they feel, their love for each other, how much this means to their family, and try and put that into words.
“There were a couple of times there where I had to get the tissues out, not just for them, but for me, so, I do love weddings.”
Despite the long and difficult battle that led to same-sex marriage being officially legalised on Friday, Peter said the end result was worth it.
“It has been worth it. It really has. It’s lifted the weight off our shoulders.
“And at the end of the day, Ian and myself have always said, going way back 40 years ago, that this is for the younger generation.
“Us older LGBTI folk - we’ve been through it all, we’ve fought for the cause and been discriminated against, and we don’t want to see the new generation come through and experience the ugliness of what we’ve had, even with family and friends and work colleagues.
“We feel that this is something now that’s going to change the whole culture of Australia.”