HIS hands shook as he touched the horse.
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Longford's Adrian Radford had never liked the animals.
The Iraq veteran was sceptical when told they would help him heal from the depression gripping him.
He took a chance by joining an equine therapy program through ex-services personnel group Mates4Mates a month ago, after his mental health worsened as a back injury forced him to stop working.
His first encounter with horses wasn't entirely successful.
"Pretty well the horses pick you, the one they connect with," Mr Radford said.
The first one he met had a sniff, let him pat, and walked away.
"Obviously wasn't for me."
When another approached and put her head on him, he knew he'd found the one.
A psychologist with him said not to panic.
"That's easier said than done," Mr Radford said.
He began a friendship with the horse, Cleo, that he credits as a turning point in his recovery.
"I don't know why she picked me, there must have been some connection there with her," he said.
"From there, that bonding thing, it's really hard to describe."
Depression had crept up on Mr Radford, a former RAAF engineer, in the years following his service.
It was at its worst in 2015 as he stopped working and lost routine.
"[It] gets hold of you, it's not a good place to be in."
As his mental health worsened last year he started to drink, but began to cut back for his wife.
She was supportive during his illness, he said.
The lack of routine and purpose in his life hit him hard.
He withdrew from other people.
"I realised there was something going on there."
The horses could sense his mood too.
When Mr Radford was having a bad day halfway through the program, Cleo responded by turning away from him.
"I could pat her and she'd flinch."
A psychologist asked him what was wrong, and talked with him about what he was thinking.
Mr Radford returned feeling better, and Cleo engaged with him again.
The trust they built taught him something that helped him to address his depression.
"If the horse can trust me, maybe other people can too ...
"Not all people are there to hurt and it's not as bad as your dark days when you think everyone's against you, the world's against you."
Soon he could ignore the old advice not to walk behind horses, standing at her legs brushing her tail.
He began to control her movements through instructions.
"It's very overwhelming to be able to control something that big with no force.
"You could tell when the horse trusted you too. They just relaxed."
As he led Cleo he found himself talking to her.
Each night people in the program would gather and talk about their day.
"Some of the stuff coming out of a night time with these big, burly blokes, just incredible."
In the defence force, it was frowned upon to discuss emotions, Mr Radford said.
Later in the week he mustered the courage to go on horse back, and went a distance without realising other participants had stopped holding onto him.
"I thought I was going to fall off," Mr Radford laughed.
Mates4Mates manager Tasmania Daniel Vautin said equine therapy produced the quickest transformation for clients of all the group's programs.
It reduced levels of depression, anxiety and stress, however it was not about riding horses.
"To work with horses you need to remain calm and in control of yourself," he said.
"They're smart animals, they'll pick up on your energy.
"You effectively focus on working with the animal and forget your own symptoms."
Mates4Mates provided support to veterans after the program to sustain their feeling of liberation and to help them make changes in their lives.
"People want to make a lot of changes to their life quickly."
Mates4Mates is now in the state's north and North-West, and has liaison officers and activities in the areas.
Members have access to psychological support, vocational education, adventure activities and other services.
Call 1300 4Mates for more information.
■ If you need help, you can contact Lifeline on 131 114, beyondblue on 1300 224 636, Lifelink Samaritans on 1300 364 566, Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800, MensLine Australia 1300 789 978 or Suicide callback service 1300 659 467, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.