Journalists assigned to cover our national obsession now have to be as adept at reporting on COVID-19 breaches, public misbehaviour and rule violations as they are any form of on-field performance.

Only once sufficient time is devoted to footballers smuggling females through coronavirus bubbles or getting in fights outside Gold Coast strip clubs and administrators turning blind eyes to doping violations can any thought be given to previews and reports of scheduled fixtures.

Fellow columnist Brian Roe touched on the subject in The Sunday Examiner when he commented on the numerous "spot fires" breaking out in such diverse sports as weightlifting, sailing and skiing but really the term raging inferno might be closer to the truth.

The soap opera that is the International Weightlifting Federation getting through three presidents in four days was the most entertaining of Roey's detailed chronicle but when it comes to great weights crashing down on athletes' heads, weightlifters are not alone.

Insidethegames is a website which provides updates on all elements of Olympic sports.

In its October 15 highlights email topped with IWF president Ursula Papandrea saying she was ousted because she told the truth the other headlines were:

It was enough to leave one wondering whether sports people have any time left to play sport.

On the same day this email arrived, the organising committee of the Tokyo Olympic Games confirmed that a sixth member of its staff had tested positive for COVID-19 and the virus inevitably featured heavily in multiple stories across the sporting spectrum.

The weighty tome entitled "Footballers' indiscretions 2020" this week saw Jesse Hogan come to the party.

The Fremantle forward was fined $8000 for breaching Western Australian quarantine rules due to a "lapse in judgement".

"He fell into a trap because of the attraction to the young lady," added his lawyer Terry Dobson, prompting the AFL's resident social media moral barometer Titus O'Reily to Tweet: "Damn these women, always trapping young men."

Richmond has long since claimed the flag for dumb restriction breaches while simultaneously charging towards a possible third premiership in four years.

With a rap sheet featuring everything from kebabs and beauty parlours to genitalia, the club seems to use off-field misbehaviour as the foundation for its on-field mastery.

Defender Dylan Grimes commented this week how such developments serve to "galvanise" the playing group, forward figurehead Jack Riewoldt praised the club's culture of being able to "bounce back from indiscretions" and a splendid article in The Age reminded readers of a Gillon McLachlan prediction as wide of the mark as a Travis Cloke set shot.

Recalling the AFL chief executive's comment that "Whoever wins the flag this year will ... have had to be the most disciplined ... team off the field", the article accurately pointed out that it has been the most undisciplined team that is so far leading the way.

The website sportinghq.com.au went a step further, drawing up a league table ranking every club on their off-field indiscretions over the past decade.

As diverse as it is damning, it features splendid lines like: "attacked a family member with a machete"; "assaulted a man in a wheelchair and stole his taxi"; "mosh pit antics at a music festival"; "threaten a woman with a chopstick"; "accidentally sharing a nude image of himself and a girl to Instagram"; "found themselves in a Thai lock-up"; "alleged orgy incident"; "a friendship with Karmichael Hunt"; "found half-naked after a night of drinking"; "lying to club and playing basketball under name 'Phill Inn' while injured"; and that staple of any such list: "setting a dwarf entertainer on fire".

I'm reluctant to ruin it and reveal the penalised premiers but suffice to say Gold Coast Suns perform considerably better than anything produced at Metricon Stadium with Campbell Brown having a major impact and Harley Bennell earning the description "a multi-dimensional club member".

Stuff that, I will ruin it.

"Number one spot? Lock it in Eddie," it says.

"From various sexual exploits, to drugs, betting and violence, the Mags have made suspensions look as easy to come by as a rhetorical question in Bruce McAvaney's commentary."

So if the on-field action turns dull at the Gabba on Saturday, do yourself a favour and enjoy this comprehensive catalogue of off-field offences.

And console yourself in the knowledge that Manic Mondays are looming so there's a bright future ahead.

Except for dwarf entertainers, obviously.