There I was, wondering if I had diet-face?
Would a month of cucumbers and tomatoes send my round face into a skinny diet-face landslide?
Diet-face, dear reader, is said to be equally devastating for men and women aged 50-plus, who age an extra decade or two when they shed the magical, mythical 10 kilos of glee.
The diet-face revelation, of course, was preceded by those well-known diet veterans, diet-bum and diet-breasts.
No diet-face fears for the narcissists among visitors to the Louvre Museum, Paris.
I had chortled my way through an article about the "research" surrounding diet-face, when the television news presented an image that was even more absurd.
That was, women in front of their own cameras, heads turned to mimic the facial angle of the Mona Lisa.
Choose your favourite caption: My Resting Mona Face? Does My Chin Look Big In This? Or, Where's The Next DaVinci When You Need Him?
Seven years ago I had the chance to visit the Louvre, and didn't.
Why? Because I'm not a fan of tourist hot spots and certainly after the ML 'news' moment, I think my decision was vindicated.
(Instead, we crossed the river and spent a glorious day at the Musee d'Orsay where we could stand and daydream as long as we liked in front of enough old masters to keep this old mistress happy)
Speaking of tourist hot spots:
Why is holidaying in Australia so much more expensive than practically anywhere else?
Seven years ago we travelled to the allegedly expensive Madrid and Paris.
We were surprised by the universally high standard of service and the comparatively low cost of accommodation ... that is, compared to Tasmania and interstate.
Just recently, two of us spent four weeks in Greece.
We returned with significant dollars to spare.
Of course, the Greek fiscal fiasco that started in 2008 and ended with a recession that lasted until 2017, has kept the lid on their cost of living.
However, in my memory, holidaying anywhere in Australia is absurdly expensive.
Which is why, I suppose, Aussies head to Bali instead of Broome.
When the kids were little, all our fabulous family holidays were at Bridport with three trips to Mooloolaba, Queensland.
But what happens when 'home' holidays or outings get too expensive?
A chat with a friend last week meandered to the cost of a gin and tonic with a beer at a night food market in Launceston.
"I pointed out I'd used a $50 note, and they said the $25 change was correct. They were in a van! Two drinks? $25?" she said.
A month ago I paid $25 for gin and tonic and a beer at the Heineken bar, Dubai airport.
I wasn't happy, but felt the price reflected the surroundings ... an airport in the United Arab Emirates.
I made some holiday comparisons ... overseas versus home: Two airfares, return to Athens, shoulder season $2700. Thirteen hours to Dubai and four hours to Athens.
Return to Broome, for two, shoulder season? $2648, 11.5 hours from Melbourne.
The same rental car company: Athens for the hire of a Toyota Corolla, $200. Broome, $849.
Accommodation. (No Airbnb)
In Greece we spent the grand total of $2000 for 21 nights, mostly in coastal villages on the Peloponnese - all of which were exceptionally lovely in their location and style.
If I wanted to stay 21 nights in Broome, via the same booking site, the cost would be upwards of $3000.
Ironically, the often out-of-reach cost of a home holiday is regularly blamed on high wages.