Such has been the dilemma facing the AFL of late.

As if the responsibility of running Australia's national winter sport is not enough, the over-burdened staff at AFL House are also expected to have some sort of responsibility for those viewing it.

How can they be expected to accommodate requests and expectations of the general public while simultaneously promoting initiatives aimed at improving their standing before the general public?

It's difficult to be seen to tolerate an environment in which fans are free to boo umpires while backing programs aimed at showing respect toward the green maggots.

Or blaming parochialism for all Tasmania's footballing woes while throwing your weight behind the rivalry round.

Or honouring the sacrifice of those who lost their lives fighting the Japanese with a dignified silence while inviting a rock band with "Tokyo" in its name to play loudly.

Or promoting a themed "women's round" despite taking 120 years to let them play the game.

And fancy having to acknowledge your inadequacy in dealing with the racial vilification of the game's highest profile Aboriginal while trying to promote the indigenous round.

It must be so difficult to appear sincere when entangled in so much hypocrisy.

The topic has been rumbling away for a while now but erupted like an Indonesian volcano after last week's Carlton versus Brisbane match at Marvel Stadium.

According to reports, a fan was ejected for calling umpire Mathew Nicholls a "bald-headed flog".

Since Nicholls is indeed devoid of hair (there's a lot of it about), the fan could argue a defence of truth to at least half the statement.

Reminiscent of when Darren Lehmann called Sri Lankan cricketers "black c***s" in 2003 and was subsequently suspended for the first word not the second.

But back to the comic book storyline at Marvel Stadium (sorry).

Fans reacted with what was almost certainly the largest public protest in the face of oppressive restrictions of freedom from a ruthless regime this side of Hong Kong.

Many, including the unofficial superhero of Aussie footy fans, Joffa Corfe, responded with self-imposed gags, believing nothing could be more unAustralian than depriving Australians of the right to voice their opinions vociferously at football.

In response to reports of barrackers barracking too loudly, the Collingwood cheer squad leader penned a personal piece in The Age justifying the need for barrackers to shout as all barrackers should, as indeed instructed by his team's song.

"In the terraces we release from the struggles of life: the overdue power bill, the rent that is due in four days' time, the anxiety due to work, family and general wellbeing," Corfe wrote.

In addition to providing an insight into the day-to-day financial existence of a Magpies fan, Corfe's column read like a rallying cry to all supporters, irrespective of their club colours.

"In recent times we have been getting this nervous feeling we are no longer required, and it would be best if we all went AWOL. We get the feeling the AFL industry now wants a theatre-type crowd, to marvel at the surroundings rather than the contest on the field.

"We don't want to be eyeballed, stood over, intimidated, or threatened with eviction for being decent, honest, passionate supporters."

Authority's response has been straight from the AFL handbook.

Visibly heightened security at the Bulldogs against Carlton game was embodied by burly nightclub bouncers with "behavioural awareness officers" emblazoned across their broad steroid-filled shoulders.

Only the AFL could come up with such a title.

The AFL would call dictators "democracy restrictors" or medieval executioners "neck severance facilitators".

Hawthorn president Jeff Kennett weighed in saying the security personnel involved appeared to be "new arrivals to Australia" and therefore "not people who appear to have a great knowledge of our game".

Thanks for doing your bit to calm down a potentially volatile situation Jeff.

"They're new arrivals to Australia, it appears," he added - a comment which was amusingly followed up in The Age's report with the line: "When pressed, Mr Kennett conceded he didn't know if that was true."

All of which leaves another unwanted and rather unnecessary matter to sort out for Gillon McLachlan, the AFL's chief executive officer, or "fan enjoyment denier" if he was to be titled by his own organisation.

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