My daughters are, my husband and son are, but I am not.

Once I emerged from under the rock of self-loathing that came after my picture ran in this newspaper last week, I learned a few valuable lessons.

My first reaction to my photo was … I’ll never have sex again..because as we all know, only beautiful people have sex.

Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement.

The photographer shot me as I raced into a function.

Out of my car, across the windy car park and through the front door.

“Can I get a quick pic?”

What I should have said was no.

I knew it was going to be a shocker because I was between functions and one of them was a funeral.

Plus, I was easily a foot taller than the lovely lady alongside.

In the time some people might take to go to the hairdresser - from 7am till 11.55am -  I had readied our home for another bloody inspection and completed a very full morning at the office.

Lesson One: There are only so many multi-tasks you can complete at 60 and still look human.

I noticed my hair about 11.56am, when I was leaving the office for the first function. My hair was bright orange and frizzy; an unwelcome look known by owners of post-menopause, curly locks.

The picture was shot from the waist up, and provided my double chin and breasts with starring roles AND for its finale, the flash blasted my face into its full, arse-shining radiance.

Later, when the opportunity presented, I pleaded with another photographer to make sure the pic was never used again, especially if I’m ever the subject of an obituary.

He, who has taken lots of sneaky pics of me at all sorts of work events, said he would make sure they use his pic from two kilometres underground, taken after the Beaconsfield mine disaster. 

It’s a picture where I’m wearing a yellow helmet and the smile of a woman whose just bloody glad to be alive.

Lesson Two: It doesn’t matter how good or bad I look in any photo, from my wedding-day glamour to last week’s shocker, my reaction is always … make it go away.

Once the dust settles, a funny thing happens.

Lesson three: With time, even the pics I hate don’t look so bad.

‘”Danielle”, I say, “don’t  be so hard on yourself”.

There are other lessons:

- You can say no to having your photo taken if you’re feeling like shite.

- Never ever leave the house without sufficient hair product to tame your frizz into something that resembles curl.

- Never get orange highlights in your hair after 60, they turn your hair to straw

In between times, I washed and conditioned my hair TWICE and applied enough Be Curly hair product to scare the frizz back into the abyss.

I found my hairdryer and its diffuser and after 40 minutes, my hair was back in super curly condition.

Finally, I did what women always do when they want to feel better … I booked an appointment with Louis for a hair makeover.

As for 40 minutes a day to get my hair just right?

Frankly, there are other things I would rather do, like bake a chocolate cake or have sex.