What sort of health-conscious, overpaid, semi-retired hippy invented bone broth?
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Out of necessity, bone broth was my Sunday lunch.
It was my first dip into the bone broth health fad, which peaked during the paleo years.
Remember paleo?
I was in the final phase of fasting for another bloody hospital procedure.
Wise colleagues had portrayed bone broth as a nourishing, soothing, soul food. Like chicken soup, without the lumpy bits.
The smell of bone broth is disturbing. If Mad Cow Disease has a fragrance, it is bone broth.
It smelled like the air surrounding the Powranna feed lot.
Even though the label said the “free range, grass fed” beef bone broth was “rich in collagen, gelatin and life boosting minerals and amino acids” it tasted like what it was … boiled cow bones.
Bugger the invitation to visit the maker’s website to learn more about this supposed “ancient elixir”.
I knew what I was sipping. It tasted like silage.
What harm could a few carrots, onions and celery have done?
Why ‘no vegetables used as filler’. Hey paleo folks, have you never heard of the soul-soothing health benefits of aromatics?
Chicken soup? Oxtail soup? But bone broth? What a scam.
I’d really like to believe that the gelatin found in bone broth “will seal holes” in my intestines and “help address chronic gut issues”, but I’m not an idiot. (Note to self: if I ever feel like I’ve got a hole in my gut go straight to the doctor, not the bone broth.)
I’d also like to believe that bone broth contains high levels of amino acids which studies show, reduce ‘firmicutes’ in the gut, ‘aiding weight loss’.
But I’m no Gwenyth Paltrow.
Firmicute is Latin for strong skin, other well-known firmicute cells are listeria and staphylococcus bacteria, less popular, but effective weight-loss bacteria.
And, if I didn’t believe in gut hole miracles and weight loss, apparently bone broth can make me feel younger and remove wrinkles!
“High levels of amino acids and minerals to nourish and smooth your skin, nails and hair.
Collagen specifically has anti-ageing benefits, leaving you looking (and feeling) much younger.” Did someone say bull….!
Monday’s hospital appointment took another left turn when I was asked to step on the scales.
After three days of chicken, crackers and bone broth I expected the hospital scales to say something like: “my, how fit you’ve become since last we met”.
Or, “Wow! 60 and fitter than ever,”.
I know scales aren’t a measure of fitness. But our home bathroom scales had me at 10kg less than those at St Vincent’s Hospital.
Next was my blood pressure.
I looked calm.
But looks are deceiving.
The 10kg shock on the scales did nothing for my blood pressure.
And, honestly, how else would my blood pressure read after:
- Three days of chicken and bone broth
- 12 hours of ‘frequency’ on the loo with absolutely no sleep
- Running out of toilet paper mid-purge
Who wouldn’t have blood pressure at 197 over 110?
“Do you feel dizzy or have a headache?” kindly Kelly asked.
Heck, was I going to complain? At least I didn’t have to pay the $500 health fund excess for my mystery kilos because this week’s hospitalisation came excess-free, sort of like frequent flyer points without the Madrid moment.
Those 10kg remain a mystery.
Although, I just might have misread our bathroom scales.
Truth is, I really can’t see the small dial on the old fashioned Salters.