I don’t cook... I now curate

Vegemite is the new black, according to a food trends report.

A FAR CRY: This dessert featuring Vegemite ice cream created by Heston has contributed to the Aussie staple's rebirth as an 'on trend' delicacy. Picture: Ashley Palmer-Watts

A FAR CRY: This dessert featuring Vegemite ice cream created by Heston has contributed to the Aussie staple's rebirth as an 'on trend' delicacy. Picture: Ashley Palmer-Watts

Yes, the experts say Vegemite is back in the black, or is it just black?

Of course its revived popularity makes sense, because one of the best breakfast or Friday night combos is smashed avocado on toast with Vegemite along with a strong cup of Yorkshire tea.

Last weekend, there it was listed in a glossy magazine – Vegemite - between the chickpea miso and the whipped cod roe as one of the ‘on trend’ foods.

I got so excited I sent a photo of the pantry to our children to show them how fashionable their family had become. We are so very food cool.

When you’re curating your food requirements next week, don’t forget the Vegemite.

I regularly curate. Shopping lists and even the washing, by whites and coloureds. Last week I curated the poodles into the garage and likewise curated the cats to separate rooms, where they would match the doonas.

I have been known to curate my husband, depending on my mood. Sometimes he can be found, dressed head to toe in his bespoke Sydney Swans outfit, placed imperfectly, one leg hanging over the edge of our equally bespoke couches. I see him as Reclining Swan In Habitat.

Last week I broke with tradition and bought a chunk of bespoke Rocky Road.

Bespoke Rocky Road? If your Rocky Road is handmade in Byron Bay with salted caramel, it qualifies as bespoke.

Now it’s curated this, bespoke that.

Riddle me this? When did we go all curated and bespoke? Two words traditionally used in the art space. A curator pulled together works with a narrative and it was called an exhibition.

Likewise bespoke, a one-off, made to your personal requirements or measurements, sometimes a piece of furniture, other times, a nifty Italian suit.

Now it’s curated this, bespoke that.

I blame the black-hatted cowboy of food. The Tex Perkins of commercial kitchens. The DEGUSTATION menu, or food served as multiple, tiny courses ‘curated’ with matching wines – degustation.

When the word degustation emerged to describe a multi-course menu of small perfectly paired food with wines, the restaurant scene went crazy. Entree, main and dessert, disappeared somewhere in the late ’90s.

Currently, curated degustation menus are served on bespoke porcelain; ie crooked plates and bowls that don’t match.

I am personally very much in love with the new look of restaurant crockery … mismatched Japanese ceramics never look out of place.

Remember when giant square plates were de rigour? I’ve been a waitress. I’ve carried three of those God-awful things. Fortunately, the portions were often so small they didn’t contribute to the the already overweight scale of the dinner plate. I mean, how much can a swirl of balsamic vinegar, a dash of jus and a little foam weigh?

BTW am I the only person who thinks food vaporised into a ‘froth’ looks like what dying snails leave in my garden?

On another matter:

I woke at 6am. I had to drink 750ml of water before my first bladder ultrasound since I was 38. Third child and 20 years, no oestrogen, it was going to be tough.

By 7am, water drunk, I was ready. How easy is this, I thought? What amazing capacity?

By the time I reached the appointment I was bragging. Piece of ..ss!

“There’s not enough,” the radiologist said.

Another hour, six cups of water, and the rest of the day leaking like a sieve!