Heckling that just isn't funny

I'll wager the rest of the crowd does too.

To clear up any confusion, you were the blokes at the table in the middle of the room.

About five of you, I think?

Middle-aged men down from Brisbane to watch the footy?

Anyway, you must have already had a few beers by the time the show started.

I accept that at any comedy night people will try and heckle the performers.

Because, hey, drunken audience members are always funnier than professional, hardened comedians who spend their days and night writing jokes and honing their act.

But I believe I can pinpoint the exact moment the noise at your table moved from loutish to concerning.

Yelling out "I reckon that's a poofter" when the MC produced a picture of an exaggerated male hipster was never going to win you a round of high-fives.

We all cringed, mainly because it was a stupidly prehistoric thing to say.

Also, the main act, Tom Ballard, is a comedian who happens to be gay.

And he was sitting less than three metres from you.

Maybe this wasn't known to you.

But, as you were to learn, Ballard is more than capable of defending himself.

Littered throughout Ballard's stand-up schtick were his experiences and thoughts on life as a gay man.

He also spoke about marriage equality and gay adoption laws, and had a few cracks at certain politicians over varying differences in opinion.

Whether you felt your political choice was being threatened, or you simply weren't a fan of Ballard's work, the decision to ramp up your heckling was never going to end well.

Whether you felt your political choice was being threatened, or you simply weren't a fan of Ballard's work, the decision to ramp up your heckling was never going to end well.

For starters, the average comedian at a vegan cafe in Launceston is going to be fairly left-leaning - I'm not sure what else you expected.

Also, there were about 75 other people in that room who already thought you were obnoxious, one of whom was a very funny guy with a microphone.

So, to sit back, sneer and very deliberately tell Ballard: "You're a soft cock mate. You're nothing but a soft cock." Dumb move.

When the chorus of boos finished, Ballard diplomatically pointed out that the male penis is in fact soft most of the time.

It was a nice touch when he asked if you were an exception to the rule, suggesting that you were sporting an erection at that very minute.

The thing is, whether or not you meant to ridicule Ballard's sexuality, your attempt at intimidation was lazy and unimaginative. It says a lot that you think emasculating someone is the ultimate form of degradation.

Is a man less of a man if he is not a testosterone-dripping, sheila-shagging alpha male?

I would have thought men of your vintage would at least have had enough life experience to come up with something witty or observant.

In summary: you went to a comedy night at a venue you'll probably never come back to, watched a show that was probably never going to win your praise, and, as a group, got drunk and yelled out borderline homophobic slurs from the shadows.

In a way I should thank you, because, as a result of your outbursts, you became the best punchline of the night.