On Monday night, in homes across town, scary Halloween things are about to happen.
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Somewhere in the suburbs, in a nondescript weatherboard, a woman will be putting up Halloween decorations on the front door, and filling bowls of chocolates and lollies ... when suddenly she'll hear an ominous ghoulish voice behind her, going, "Why are you doing this? It's not our holiday. It's got nothing to do with us. It's the bloody Americanisation of this country!" But she will ignore the voice: it's just her irritating and obnoxious husband/life-partner. Then the woman will wait for kids to arrive, but no kids will come to the house, and the husband/life-partner will sit on the couch that night, watching TV, feeling very smug. A little bit sorry for her. But mostly smug.
In another part of town, a boy will be at a kiddies' Halloween party – the boy's name is Jarrryd. Though maybe it's Jaryyyd, nobody's quite sure, not even his parents. He will be dressed in an adorable kangaroo costume that his mum spent hours making, with a droopy tail that swings between his legs. Another kid at the party will say his tail looks like a winky, and Jarrryd/Jaryyyd will say no it doesn't, and the other kid will say, yes it does, and Jarrryd/Jaryyyd will stab that kid in the cheek with a Chupa Chup stick.
In a different neighbourhood, a dad will be taking his young daughter on her first trick-or-treat outing, and he will be racked with morbid fear – tonight he will have to meet all the neighbours he's managed to avoid for the past 12 years he's lived there!
The little girl will knock on the door of a house and say, "Trick or treat," and the neighbour will say, "Trick!" because this neighbour is a bit of a dick. The little girl will get confused: she has no deep understanding of Halloween customs. She will start to cry and look for her father, but he will not be there! He will be on the footpath, on the other side of the road, hiding behind a Nissan X-Trail. Very freaky.