NORTH Launceston ruckman Daniel Roozendaal described watching his teammates run out for the State League grand final without him as one of the toughest days of his life.
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The Bombers man-mountain has opened up about his emotions during a turbulent week leading up to the state showpiece, his team's triumph and the birth of his second child Grace Kate in the aftermath.
"Looking back on it now I am just happy that we won the grand final," Roozendaal said.
"It has hit me more later on - the happiness for us to win - but when the boys ran out on to the ground through the banner was just about one of the hardest days in my life.
"You put in 12 months of work and try to go back to back, feeling part of the team and playing a big role in helping it to the finals - I felt like I let myself down and let my teammates down and that is what I was mad and sad about."
The 2014 Alastair Lynch Medallist said the rollercoaster ride in the week leading up to the game over his rough conduct charge on Burnie's Clint Proctor had been hard on him, his wife and their extended family.
"I have never been reported or been before a tribunal before in 25 years of football so it was pretty nerve-wracking actually," Roozendaal said.
"I didn't think there was that much in it and as a ruckman that's how I've been taught to play the game - you go down and you support your rover that's what you do - but if I was a malicious or vicious type of player he would still be out there if I'd really meant to hurt him."
The major shock, he said, was receiving a two-week penalty partly because of a reprimand received two weeks previously despite State League advice that the penalty would not affect his future record.
Despite the stress of it all forcing his wife into early labour, Roozendaal was thankful for the support of family and friends during the whole episode.
"Grace was born on Thursday last week - we thought she was going to come earlier with a bit of stress on Kate the week before with everything going on she ended up in hospital," he said.
"It was a big week and then all that came into play and it was very stressful. It was the stress on the family that I was most worried about and stress on the footy club."
Roozendaal said messages of support from his Bridport-based family helped him through the ordeal with his dad Peter offering advice and attending the tribunal hearings with him.
"Mum was proud of the way I held myself and my sister and brother-in-law were fantastic because I copped a bit of a bashing on social media about being a thug.
"I don't have Facebook but I had some great friends and family go in to bat for me there which was the support I needed with some keyboard warriors who want to jump on you and downgrade you and have probably never played a game of sport in their life."
As hard as the week had been, Roozendaal said it was nothing compared to dealing with his mother having to travel overseas for life-saving medical treatment the year before.
"The Friday morning before the grand final I had probably had eight hours sleep the whole week with Kate being in hospital and stuff.
"When it was finally done and dusted and the club decided not to proceed further I felt relief, like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders even though I wanted to play. Then I went to the team and was determined to put everything I could into those guys to help them get across the line.
"With mum that is the hardest thing I've been through - to compare the football with that and it was only 20 per cent as hard because family comes first and footy second.
"It sucked and it was hard but fortunately with football we get to do it again - with mum we're lucky we got to do it again."
With the culture the club has built in the past three years, Roozendaal is confident the Bombers will be a force to be reckoned with again next year.
"It doesn't matter what or who you knock out there is always one good enough to step up and come through.
"I think that is a proven strength of North Launceston - yes I would have loved to have a medallion around my neck but I know I am part of it."