'TUK-TUK lady?"
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A man is yelling at us from across the street.
"Massage?" A woman asks inquisitively as we walk past.
Welcome to Thailand - one of the most beautiful, yet over-commercialised places you'll come across.
My partner Joel and I spent two weeks exploring Thailand's main tourists islands last October.
Here's what we found:
PHUKET:
There are perhaps more Australians walking the streets than Thai people and it has become so commercialised that even Hooters and McDonalds are easy finds - but something about Phuket makes you want to go back.
Phuket is the largest island in Thailand and Patong Beach is its main tourist hotspot.
If you don't want as many crowds, head to Karon or Kata beaches.
It's party central on Patong's main street Bangla Road, but there are plenty of places to escape the night life, which is perhaps why Phuket has become such a family-friendly destination.
We booked tourist tours on the streets of Patong as we found them cheaper than online.
It's at the street stall where we booked our elephant ride.
You feel like an Indian princess or prince sitting on top of the elephant, but I also felt sorry for them having to cart so many tourists around day after day in 30-plus degrees.
If you're an animal lover, it's probably best to visit an elephant rescue and rehabilitation centre, but most require a few days' work.
FantaSea is the island's biggest theatre show and while it is based around elephants, it's spectacular without them.
The show is inside a theme park filled with shops, Thai dancers, animals, a 400-seat buffet restaurant and a floating market - definitively get here well before the show starts.
No cameras or phones are allowed inside the theatre, called the Elephant Palace, and this is taken very seriously.
The show features trapeze artists, dancing, animals and lots of visual effects, including rain and pyrotechnics.
The elephants are the main attraction with their circus skills, but they don't provide the WOW factor, so even for those against Thailand's elephant tourism culture, I'd recommend seeing the show.
Tiger Kingdom is another popular, yet criticised attraction.
There are four sizes of tigers at the park, which is about 10 minutes from Patong Beach.
No tigers are older than 19 months.
The enclosures are small but no different to what you would see at Dreamworld, with pools, logs and plenty of food.
A lot has been said about whether the tigers are drugged. From our experience, they didn't look like it.
At night, Bangla Road is the place to be.
Lady-boys strut their stuff, every second person gives you a flyer to attend their "secret" ping pong show, hip-hop dancer break it down on the street and bars are filled by women - or at least you think they are women - dancing on poles.
It's loud and there's lots of neon lights, but don't get tricked by them.
We ventured to a sign that said "Ice Bar" about halfway down.
After paying $7 each to go in, we find it's not an ice bar.
It was a freezer and we're the only ones there - feeling ripped off, we left a minute later.
Something we didn't feel ripped off by was a speedboat trip to James Bond Island.
You spend most of the trip on islands that aren't James Bond Island - including canoeing around limestone rocks and drinking cocktails on an isolated beach - but that's probably a good things, as the island made popular by the The Man with the Golden Gun movie is a let-down. It's tiny and crowded by tourists.
For those not interesting in sightseeing, Phuket is also a great destination for beach lovers, those wanting to meet others and food lovers.
PHI PHI ISLANDS:
THE Phi Phi islands are Thailand's gem and a ferry-ride not to be missed, even if it's just for a day-trip.
We spent three nights at Phi Phi's Outrigger Resort.
It's beautiful. The only problem is, it's isolated.
To get to the main part of the island, Tonsai Bay, you have to travel by long-boat, which can be about $30 or more for a one-way trip.
Tonsai Bay is the place known for its party atmosphere, including fire jugglers balancing on tightropes and beach bars - which are fantastic.
The main thing Phi Phi is known for, is its beautiful beaches.
It's on Phi Phi's Maya Beach, that The Beach, featuring Leonardo DiCaprio was filmed.
Like James Bond Island, the beach is crowded and hard to swim at with all the anchored boats, but it's beautiful.
Day trips take you to "The Beach", with our trip also taking us to Monkey Beach - the beach known for its cheeky monkeys, just watch out they steal your soft drink - and to perfect snorkelling destinations.
You'll see some of the best beaches and lagoons here.
KOH SAMUI:
I've left the best till last.
Like Phuket, Koh Samui has a tourist atmosphere and like Phi Phi, its main beach Chaweng is great for parties (it is from this island that you get to Thailand's popular full moon party, which could be why), but it doesn't seem as crowded as the other two islands.
It's relaxing, people trying to sell you things aren't as pushy, and the food and drinks seem to be made with more love.
The island is small, we got around in about an hour and a half on a motorbike.
We weren't meaning to go the whole way around, but we missed the turn-off to the Santiburi Samui Country Club.
The 18-hole course is picture perfect with bright green grass, ocean panorama and jungle surrounds.
The female caddies cart you and do everything - from picking your clubs to telling you how far the green is.
Even without being a golfer - Joel was the one playing - the course is worth a look.
Night times are great spent at Chewang's many restaurants and pubs - try out Red Snapper or Mulligan's Irish Pub - or down on Chewang Beach enjoying a cocktail, the fire shows or the DJ that plays on top of Ark Bar until the early hours.