Here they come now, marching into Lonnie, smoke of battle, sound of trumpets, noisy half-tracks tearing up the bitumen.

And lollies thrown at the kiddies just like in those grainy black-and-white World War II fillums when gum-chewing Yanks drove the Nazis back through Europe.

Hey, perhaps we could also get Dutch and Danish military elements to join in.

The French, oh yes, the French, it's been a long time between victory laps for them, so they would love an easy victory over us.

Hmm, better not lay odds on Liechtenstein's forces jumping off landing craft and wading in at Low Head as we hear they can only field 900 uniformed personnel, give or take a musket.

They're probably all field marshals anyway.

Just in case you're wondering which metaphorical camouflaged armoured vehicle we've clambered aboard here — with all this talk of armed intervention — we're motivated on the matter of international court rules.

And especially whose job it is to rigorously enforce them.

You know the story: a Tasmanian, or Australian federal, court makes a sensible decision on the environment or boat people, and pressure groups are immediately riled.

The next move by social activists is to up the ante, move the argument up a notch by pointing the finger and saying, hey, somewhere in Europe there's a more important court than anything in Australia with an even more imposing bunch of studious-looking guys, Dutch or Belgian whatever, in black gowns and white wigs.

And they're going to be mighty upset when they hear of some Australian court's decision on forestry or kids being held in detention.

That's as soon as they get hold of a map of the world and discover the whereabouts of Tasmania or, more generally Australia, before they take action.

We call as our first outraged witness Tasmanian independent MP Andrew Wilkie who has written to the International Criminal Court in The Hague in a bid to prosecute the Abbott government for presumed "crimes against humanity".

All because the ruling Libs are getting tough on the matter of illegal immigrants.

Hobart human rights advocate Greg Barns has backed Mr Wilkie who, in his letter, cited "imprisonment and other severe deprivation of physical liberty in violation of fundamental rules of international law".

Mr Wilkie, the former secret service operative and Hobart carpet salesman, has demanded that Mr Abbott, nay the entire cabinet, be investigated by an ICC prosecutor.

A clear breach, says Mr Wilkie, of Article 7 of the Rome Statute by which the ICC operates and, what's more, claims "a swathe of community outrage" over the refugee situation.

Meanwhile, Bass Liberal MP Andrew Nikolic dismissed Mr Wilkie's move.

"Mr Wilkie's claims are vague, defy even a cursory examination and are, in fact, fanciful," Mr Nikolic reportedly told News Ltd.

Our fall-back invasion position here, of course, possibly enough to get us invaded, is to get tree-huggers angry enough to appeal all the way to the ICC over a forestry decision to allow clear-felling of the Tarkine.

With possibly a bit of open-cut mining thrown in for good measure.

That will possibly be knocked on the head too.

it of a shame really as this correspondent was looking forward to being invaded by the Belgians.

Especially the bit where we stand on the side of the road and have sweets thrown at us.

Just in case, your correspondent will put his order in now.

Could we be pelted by individually gift-wrapped Belgian chocolates and bottles of beer?

I promise to deftly catch any Stella Artois that comes my way.