Only one will offer you a ``pinot noir as silky as rolling naked in a silk worm farm'', and a ``sauvignon blanc as startling as dipping your private bits into icy water''.
Sarah and Mark Hirst have set Lalla's Leaning Church Vineyard with a cheeky approach to viticulture.
Mrs Hirst, a former journalist and marketing professional, said the couple bought the 24-year-old vineyard almost four years ago with one key directive: to have fun.
``We wanted to do something different with our marketing style, because a lot of people can feel intimidated if they have a lack of knowledge about wine, and at Leaning Church we didn't want to do that,'' she said.
``So we've given our wines quirky labels, we interact with people when they taste our wines, and we give them the opportunity to learn about cool-climate wine production, but in a fun way.''
Mrs Hirst said the cellar door offered tastings of their wines, including their popular vintage sparkling and multi-award-winning sauvignon blanc, as well as single-malt Tasmanian whiskey and a cheese plate.
She said Leaning Church would also be at Festivale, where staff would offer tastings of six wines.
``This will be our third year and it's always a fantastic event; we come dressed as nuns and priests and people often confess things we don't want to hear,'' she said.