NO ILLNESS is funny - except Tourette's syndrome at a Baptist revival - but Clostridium difficil e infection deserves special sympathy, especially considering the cure.
The ailment is caused when antibiotics wipe out the germs in the gut. Through the wisdom imparted by TV commercials, our brains, if not our bellies, can distinguish good germs from bad. The good ones smile; the bad ones frown and growl.
The result of the infection is diarrhoea or, paradoxically, constipation. Usually patients recover naturally after antibiotic treatments finish. But not always. Sometimes an infection persists and C. difficile bacteria flourish. Which is when patients must contemplate a treatment best not discussed over breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner. Or, for most of us, ever.
The cure involves what decorum best leaves to medical terminology: faecal transplants.
For many, that should be more than ample information. For those who cannot help but crane their necks at accidents on the freeway, it gets worse.
The transplant is destined for the stomach. Via a tube. Routed through the nose.
Moreover, the "source material" needs to come from a person in the same environment and who carries a complementary mix of germs in his or her own digestive tract, ideally a loved one. Little wonder marriage vows do not mention this as a subclause of "in sickness and in health".
Americans have been treated to a prime time version of the procedure, transmitted by a different type of tube - television. Broadcast in high definition, it featured on Grey's Anatomy last year. Australians will have to satiate their curiosity with a low-resolution picture of a C. difficile colony on Wikipedia. The photo, in reds and yellows, is blurry, so it is impossible to be certain whether the bacteria are smiling or frowning.
If the germs have any similarity with the humans who typically post on Wikipedia, the latter is more likely.
A study by Israeli psychologists, published in CyberPsychology & Behavior , has found contributors to the communal encyclopedia tend to be grumpy and closed-minded.
The lead researcher, Dr Yair Amichai-Hamburger, speculates that Wikipedians (yes, like bacteria, they also form colonies) struggle to express themselves in the physical world, so they immerse themselves online. "They are compensating," he says.
You can understand why they might harbour insecurities as they furiously erase and edit each other's contributions. Last month the Chartered Management Institute in England released some damning statistics. "Based on qualitative and quantitative research of almost 1000 managers aged 35 and under, the research reveals that employers view internet activity as a 'massive time waster'," the organisation declared.
The internet a time waster? Managers - what would they know? They have probably never illegally downloaded an episode of Grey's Anatomy or chucked a sickie, even for an important medical treatment. It is enough to make a Wikipedian's colon spasm, or provoke a bout of Tourette's.
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